Just because someone isn’t trying to scam you out of your hard-earned money doesn’t mean that they don’t see you as a pawn, stepping stone, or a means to an end. Find out how to protect yourself from a narcissist. Our guest today is Dr. Ramani Durvasula.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula is one of the world-leading experts on narcissism. She is a clinical psychologist, professor, best selling author, and speaker. She is on a mission to demystify and dismantle the toxic influence of narcissism on all of our lives.
Dr. Ramani shares her many experiences with working with narcissists. We talk about warning signs and risks for being in a relationship or working for a narcissist. We also talk about how to protect yourself if you are in a relationship or working with a narcissist.“The key is having radical acceptance that they are not going to change and they are a jerk.” - Dr. Ramani Durvasula Click To Tweet
- [00:48] – Dr. Ramani shares how she got involved in psychology.
- [02:55] – The fall out for the people that stay in relationships with narcissists with chronic invalidating was shredding.
- [04:46] – Narcissism is a pattern of a person who lacks empathy, is deeply entitled, arrogant, superficial, and constantly needs validation. They fall apart under criticism or feedback. They get very vindictive or rageful and feel like victims a lot. There is a core self-esteem issue.
- [05:34] – The chilling difference between narcissists and psychopaths is that narcissists do feel remorse. Psychopaths have very little if any remorse.
- [07:03] – Psychopaths are much like some narcissists. They can be charming, intelligent, clever, charismatic, and very confident.
- [08:17] – Sociopaths know the rules, but they still break them. They tend to be more combative and agitated.
- [09:03] – Narcissists are insecure and do feel anxiety and remorse. The psychopath doesn’t feel any of those things. They are much calmer and calculated.
- [10:12] – Narcissists give more warning signs because they are so sensitive to criticism of any kind. Psychopaths will lie and they are the ultimate con man.
- [11:05] – Narcissists have huge advantages. They make more money and are more likely to end up in leadership positions.
- [12:28] – Narcissists are motivated to get validation.
- [14:48] – Narcissists win the most with social media because they love attention.
- [16:44] – Narcissists are incredibly hypocritical.
- [18:04] – Being in a relationship or working with a narcissist is very bad for your health. The risks include feeling chronically confused, feeling self-doubt, anxiety, depression, not sleeping, and more.
- [18:45] – These people stay in these relationships because they don’t understand that narcissism doesn’t change.
- [20:10] – Trauma, neglect, abuse, lack of consistency, and safety can lead to adult narcissism. The other pathway is a person that is over or under indulge.
- [22:02] – At the surface level, narcissists are very engaging, charming, and confident. People are drawn to them. They also have a dismissiveness.
- [23:14] – Narcissists are very entitled and believe that the rules don’t apply to them.
- [24:40] – The key is having radical acceptance that they are not going to change and they are a jerk. Once you have radical acceptance you don’t personalize it.
- [25:41] – Don’t try to fix it and don’t believe their false promises.
- [27:10] – Don’t engage! There is nothing you can say to them without them getting angry.
- [30:02] – Their ego is so threatened that they have to destroy everything in their way.
- [31:01] – With a narcissist, a big part is figuring out what they need to have to feel like they have won. They want to hurt you, make you feel as bad as they do, and win.
- [33:55] – At a population level, there are more male narcissists than female narcissists. There are still a lot of narcissistic women out there.
- [36:22] – The expression of narcissism can look a little bit different based on gender.
- [37:49] – The vast majority of scammers are psychopaths or narcissists.
- [39:38] – These scammers play on people’s vulnerabilities, aspirations, and hope and show no empathy.
- [41:54] – The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
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- Have I Been Pwned
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- Should I Stay or Should I Go
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